Changing a newborn’s diapers is almost cute
You handle the baby gently, taking care not to irritate that brand-new skin. And the POO* of the first few days is not really poo. It is meconium. It sounds radioactive, but it isn’t. It does not even stink.
Without drawing a timeline of poo through the ages, let’s simply remember that, unlike fine wine, it does not improve with age. Starting solid foods is already a blow to morale. “Oh, they had broccoli.” And like condoms, diapers are not 100% reliable. “Ah, there’s some up their neck too!” When the little person whose diaper you are changing starts providing live commentary, you are entitled to ask: “When does this end?”
*Sorry about the blunt language, but we will never get through a diaper article by being delicate.
Around the world, some parents say goodbye to diapers in the first few months. Others stretch out the pleasure until four or beyond. Let’s look at what research and experts tell us about toilet learning at different stages of a baby’s life.
Can a little baby—0 to 12 months—be toilet trained?
In India, China, Southeast Asia and East Africa, beginning in the first months is common in some communities. This exercise without a safety net—bare-bottomed, in other words—requires enormous availability. You learn to recognise the signals that something is coming, then hold the baby over a suitable container or spot in time.
While the baby does what needs doing, the parent makes a particular sound: in Vietnam, a whistle. Gradually, the child associates the sound with the action. The original describes learning to wait briefly and then go “on request”. Moral: please refrain from cheerfully whistling near a Vietnamese nursery.
Obviously, a baby raised this way is no more able than another to explain that they need the toilet, let alone get there alone. Constant attention is required. That has not stopped some Western families trying the approach, known in French as hygiène naturelle infantile. The attractions are numerous:
- No diapers to buy: a substantial saving.
- No diapers to throw away or wash: less waste and energy use.
- No discomfort from wearing diapers: potentially less irritation.
- No diaper habit to leave behind when moving to ordinary toilets: less transition hassle—at the price, remember, of a huge amount of work until the child can walk and make roughly coherent decisions.
When they prefer roaming around to practising—12 to 18 months
For a long time in Europe and the United States, a baby who could walk—around 12 to 18 months—was considered ready to do their little and big business on a potty.
Before disposable diapers and their accompanying marketing, nappies were essentially cloth wrapped around a baby’s bottom and held with a safety pin. Neither the parents washing them nor the babies wearing them were keen on extending the experience. Technology brought the promise of bottoms staying “dry, pink and soft”. At what chemical cost? A topic for another time.
The original argues that children at this age may be too young to understand such a huge change of habit and too keen to move to tolerate sitting quietly on a potty. Its recommendation is therefore to lay foundations for the next stage:
- Show them. You are your child’s greatest inspiration. Watching you, they learn to walk, kick a ball, stare at a screen for hours and… poo. Sorry. Say goodbye to your last haven of peace.
- Explain. Every opportunity is a chance to tell another chapter in the wonderful story of human excretion. Are they screwing up their eyes and turning red? “Oh, you’re pushing out the food your tummy has digested.”
Potty training an almost-big child—18 to 30 months
Walking has become familiar, so your child no longer needs to toddle constantly. They may not be hosting philosophical discussions in their bedroom yet, but their pretend tea parties are getting organised. This can be a good time to plunge into potty training if these conditions are met:
- Good health. Diarrhoea, for example, does not make learning easier.
- No major stress. Giving up diapers can be stressful. Better not to combine it with a move, a new baby or another major upheaval.
- A cooperative mood. If your child is in a rebellious phase, wait for it to pass before giving them access to faecal projectiles.
There are many approaches. I personally had success with potty expert Jamie Glowacki’s method, described in Oh Crap! Potty Training. At publication, we noted that it was not available in French and hoped to publish a summary. One thing to retain when choosing a method: punishment can prolong difficulties rather than solve them. But you probably suspected that.
In practice, becoming toilet trained involves three skills, in no fixed order and often in stages:
- Developing continence. Becoming aware of the muscles involved and learning to control them, both to hold on and to empty properly.
- Leaving the diaper behind. An object worn since birth. First during the day, and later in bed.
- Mastering the various receptacles and accessories. Often the adventure begins naked on a potty, followed by experiments at the foot of trees and by the gutter. If you have a boy, you may soon have another suspect when someone asks, “Who left the toilet seat up?!”
Over 30 months and we have not started—is that serious?
Do not panic. Starting later is not, by itself, evidence of a behavioural problem. The original mentions longer exposure to diaper-related irritation or infection and issues with incomplete bladder emptying, while urging parents not to be alarmed. These are not a diagnosis or a reason to rush a child who is not ready.
However, waiting can leave you trying to deal with the issue urgently—“School starts in a month!”—or alongside another stressful event—“They’ve just got a baby sister and now refuse to wear diapers!” Thinking about it early gives you a better chance of starting in favourable conditions.
And you are rather looking forward to getting your head out of the diapers, aren’t you?