Your child refuses to eat: 3 basic rules to handle it without (too much) stress

You are unlikely to escape it

The experts are clear: around their second birthday, almost all children—even the most adorably enthusiastic eaters, the “Yum, broccoli!” kind—start disliking new foods and even turning away from old favourites. “But you looooove broccoli!”

Is it an innate survival reflex to stop children biting into that pretty poisonous berry? Another way to test the limits of their surroundings and parental authority? We are not entirely sure.

But we have some ideas to help you get through these phases—yes, they go away… and come back—without losing your mind, while helping your child acquire a few good eating habits along the way.

1. Do not insist

Easy to say, harder to accept. Especially after all the shopping and cooking that went into this beautiful, balanced meal, now being casually pushed aside.

Here are a few thoughts to help persuade yourself that sometimes “not happening” really does mean “not happening”.

1.1 Accept that they may simply not be hungry

Appetite often varies. Between growth spurts, children may be less ravenous. Even a small cold interferes with swallowing. And an unsettled stomach does not make anyone want to stuff themselves—we may prefer to fall back on sweet foods.

These little beings are biologically programmed to eat enough to survive. You can put some trust in their instincts.

The original article uses the French shorthand CCR—couleur, comportement, respiration: colour, behaviour, breathing—as reassuring signs when all three are normal, and points to regular paediatric appointments to identify genuine feeding difficulties. It described France’s check-up schedule at publication as every six months between ages one and six.

1.2 Avoid forcing them to eat

Pressure such as “Eat your soup!”, “Finish your plate!” and “Or there’s no dessert!” can be counterproductive. Several studies found that children who are pressured to eat are:

• Less inclined, in the short term, to eat the food being imposed.
• Also more likely, in the short term, to nibble overly sweet snacks.
• And, in the longer term, put off foods they were forced to eat in childhood.

Introducing varied foods—especially vegetables—is a long-term project. It is not worth ruining everyone’s evening by stubbornly defending “Just try one spoonful, then we’ll have dessert”, however reasonable that compromise seemed to you.

As far as possible, try not to turn meals into tense occasions that children and parents alike dread.

1.3 Explain, over and over

Giving way over the mashed salsify tonight does not mean abandoning calm reminders that variety is part of life, vegetables are good for your health, and Dad’s lovely soup is a key ingredient in growing big, beautiful, strong and clever.

The research cited in the original suggests that repeating positive messages can eventually change children’s behaviour for the better.

2. Create favourable conditions

Nutritionists agree that parents’ job is to put a balanced meal on the table. Eating it is the child’s job.

A few tricks can nevertheless help your offspring take an interest in that assortment of vegetables.

2.1 Set a good example

You are a role model. So the conclusion of a 2005 study is hardly surprising: to encourage a child to try steamed courgettes, show that you enjoy courgettes too.

Even more effective: seeing another child eat them. Time to make a pact with an older brother, sister or the cousins…

2.2 Combine familiar foods with new ones

To slip a new food into your child’s diet, it pays—as in decorating your living room—to combine the modern with the old. Even better if the old happens to be a slightly sweet sauce.

We are not saying ketchup belongs in every dish. But let’s be honest: it can work. Children accustomed to tasting a vegetable with such an accompaniment may become more likely to enjoy it without seasoning too.

2.3 Keep trying

Appetite comes with… repetition. The more varied fruit and vegetables there are at home, the more opportunities a child has to take an interest. Enjoying a new vegetable can develop gradually: one study found that offering the same vegetable for two consecutive weeks noticeably increased children’s enjoyment of it.

The moral: never give up on that piece of artichoke. Do vary the recipes—steamed, sautéed, roasted—to stop everyone getting bored.

3. Do not forget to have fun

Your ultimate aim is for balanced eating to become a pleasure, not a chore.

3.1 Get them involved

To help children feel more invested in the vegetables on their plate, involve them in making the meal: choosing vegetables at the greengrocer’s, helping in the kitchen, even gardening in your own vegetable patch. A balcony is enough to get started.

There is a good chance they will proudly devour the mash they prepared themselves. Almost.

3.2 Give foods funny names

An experiment in an American primary school found that children ate more vegetables when they were given imaginative names.

Your child dislikes sauerkraut? Perhaps “sour-fart” will be more interesting. The French original turns choucroute into chou-prout—a cabbage-and-fart pun. Carrots not doing the trick either? “Watch out, the mega Martian rocket is falling into Doctor Grater’s trap! Oh no, too late… Crunch, crunch. The rocket is in pieces. Now it’s going to be lunch for the emperor—or queen—of Mars.”

It could work, couldn’t it?

3.3 Make little characters on the plate

Yes, we are not supposed to play with our food. But nobody said we could not make art with it. Even approximate art. As the Instagram account @approximativefoodart demonstrates, making an ugly little character on a plate is not that difficult. And swallowing “the panda’s nose”, however ugly, is still more fun than eating broccoli.

A personal note from Patrice, co-founder of Le Paternel: “I confess: I’m the person behind @approximativefoodart 😅”.

Read the French original